As a new mom of twins, I was always a little amazed at one question I was constantly asked: “Are you done?” Seriously? I literally had 2 babies a month ago, and already people were asking me about having a third? My immediate thought at that time was, “Oh my Gd, are you crazy?!” And the question has seriously not stopped! My family members, my friends and complete strangers constantly stop and ask me if I plan on having any more children. Up until this point I have always answered with a very resounding, “NO, I am not having any more children!” Or I’ll say something like, “If my husband wants more, he can have them with his next wife!” Or, my favorite response is simply that, “I’m closed for business!” But, lately, I’ve been thinking…..
No, I still don’t plan on having any more children. After all, if you’ve been reading my blog, you know I had to go through fertility to have my girls as it is and it was pretty terrible. Totally worth it, but kind of brutal! Also, if you remember, I am definitely one of those moms that did not like the baby stage (to put it mildly!) But, lately, it seems like all of my mommy friends are pregnant, having their second babies, or thinking about becoming pregnant very soon. So, of course, this got me thinking. Now that the girls are almost 20 months old and super delicious most of the time, I love being their mommy more and more. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times when I still cannot believe I have twins and wonder how I am going to make it through to the next hour. But, then I do make it, and I end up looking forward to what’s next. Anyway, now that I know what having a newborn entails, I wonder if I could do it again. I decided to talk to my husband about this more seriously than we ever have before and this is what we figured out:
I’m happy to report we really are on the same page. I thought for sure that if I said I wanted a third child, Dave would hop right on board. But, he honestly feels the same way I do, that right now, there’s no way either of us are ready for a third. And if I’m being brutally honest with you and myself, one of the biggest reasons I don’t even want to think about having a third is what if I can’t get pregnant on my own again? Dave and I would get all excited for another baby, have it in our heads that that’s what we want and then not be able to have it. I absolutely do not want to go through the emotional and physical pain of fertility again. So, there I’d be, hopes crushed and feeling useless. No thank you. I might be playing it safe, but aside from the fact that I cannot imagine managing 2 toddlers and 1 newborn, I don’t want to put me, Dave or our marriage through it right now.
Also, I feel like Dave and I have been extremely lucky! We have 2 beautiful and smart and happy little girls. Our family feels complete. I’ve gotten my body back to what I was before I was pregnant. Besides from the preeclampsia, I had a wonderful pregnancy and an amazing birth. I think I’d be scared of something going terribly wrong the next time around. Almost like we’d be playing with fate when we’ve already won, you know?
So, the next time I’m asked if I’m done, my answer remains the same resounding, “Yes, I’m done.” But, I guess aside from all these reasons not to, you never really know right?! Of course I’ll keep you all posted!