If you can stay home with your baby or babies, I highly recommend making mommy friends! Join classes or groups, do whatever you have to do, but find people you connect with that you can go on this journey with. These friends should be people you can laugh with, cry to, complain to and have fun with! I think besides getting yourself out of the house to stay sane, you also need some comrades going through similar situations with you to stay sane as well. But, please, please, please, try not to compare your babies to each other. You’ll do it anyway, no matter what I say, but try to understand that every baby is different and just because a friend’s baby sits up first, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your baby.
Anyway, the year I was trying to get pregnant and going through fertility treatments, a bunch of my friends got pregnant. Honestly, my first reaction was always that I was so happy for them and I made sure they knew it! But, of course, in private with Dave, I would be a little sad for myself and for us and wonder when it would be our turn. But, when it finally became our turn, the good news was that we already had a bunch of our closest friends who would have babies in the same school grade together! In fact, 2 of my best friends and I had our babies within 2 weeks of each other and my oldest friend in the world had her baby a little more than a month later! This all sounded fabulous except for the fact that all these girls were going back to work after 3 months or lived in Manhattan while I had moved out to Long Island. So, I needed some new mommy friends!
Living in a development was the best thing for me because without even trying, I constantly met young moms with kids. In fact, 3 of the friends I had already made in the development, pre-preggers, all had babies in the same grade. They introduced me to some of their friends with babies the same age and once my girls were born, instant playgroup! All of these friends were on their second or third child at this point and that was amazing for me – they definitely helped keep me more than sane through those first 4 months, have now seen me at my best and my worst, and still want to hang out with me! While all of these moms have 1 baby at a time, they helped me to relax about a lot of things and pushed me to try things with the girls, like real food and high chairs, before I thought I was ready for it! I cannot thank them enough for the friendships we now share and I know we will be friends for a long time to come!
I also joined a group on Long Island, called Mingling Moms. Four luncheons were set up for us with guest speakers and there, I met some wonderful “first time mommy friends!” These women were in the same boat as me, having their first baby and live close by to me, but no one had twins. That was okay though, because we all still understood the sleepless nights together and again, they have seen me at my best and worst and I also have them to thank for my sanity! We made playgroups together, have taken music classes together and are about to start our first Mommy and Me class this week, which I am so excited for! With this amazing group of women, as well as my “second time mommy friends,” Dave and I have found a wonderful social life that has helped me make it through a year with twins (Dave likes their husbands so we have all gotten together as families and as couples many time and I love them!!).
However, I also would not have made it through without my twins mom friend! I joined the Mother of Twins Club on Long Island and definitely felt supported through the online forums. I attended a few functions, like the Annual Fashion Show, but the best thing to come out of the club is the friendship I made with another mom of twins! While all my other mommy friends are phenomenal, this friend really understands what I went through and what I will continue to go through with 2 babies at the same time! We have very similar stories and we both have fraternal girls that are 3 months apart. We met on a blind internet date sort of that my other mommy friends thought I was crazy for doing! In the twins club, I decided to organize a playgroup for twins around the same age and though it would be a good idea to invite total strangers with their twins into my house. A few people said they would come, but cancelled last minute except for this mom. Luckily, she was not a serial killer, and we have formed a wonderful friendship that I hope will continue in the years to come.
I really do have to thank all of the amazing friends I have made over the last year. Like I said, you have truly helped keep me sane and have proved to me that I can do it! THANK YOU!!